


Sending Home for a New Family

by Lise



Series: Sam and Loki Are Roommates [12]
Category: Supernatural, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Conversations, Crossover, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Jane is pretty great, Loki's a goddamn mess, Meet the Family, Mental Health Issues, Odin's A+ Parenting, Past Abuse, References to Suicide, Sam didn't really know what he was getting into here, Suicide Attempt, sam winchester is not your therapist, so that got long, this family's really a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-04
Updated: 2013-09-04
Packaged: 2017-12-25 14:29:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/954217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lise/pseuds/Lise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Loki desperately requires Sam's assistance to get through spending time with his family, and Sam meets the Asgards. It goes about as well as you'd expect, in general.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sending Home for a New Family

**Author's Note:**

> So wow, this is late. (Future reference, stuff gets posted first on my tumblr, and then periodically I forget that I'm supposed to crosspost.) Still, this one did take a long time to write, for a variety of reasons - it is also the longest installment yet. Set at some point post-Ruby disaster, but pre-Tony disaster. 
> 
> As always, all installments and extras (including rambling on assorted background information) is available on [my tumblr](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com), under the [#sam winchester is not your therapist](http://veliseraptor.tumblr.com/tagged/sam-winchester-is-not-your-therapist) tag.

There were a few ground rules (okay, maybe more than a few ground rules) for living with Loki. One, when he was mad, it was better to just let him yell. Two, the only really serious danger sign was when Loki was quiet. And three, it was okay to refuse almost everything Loki asked at any time, except for when he said  _please_ in a particular tone in a particular way that signaled a truly dire situation.

Like now.

“ _Please,_ ” Loki said, almost unnervingly fervent. “I would never ask if there were any other alternative. The last thing I want is to inflict my family on you. But as it is…”

Sam grimaced. “Are you sure I can…isn’t this some kind of family thing?” 

“Thor is bringing Jane,” Loki said, “And moth- Frigga said if I wanted to bring anyone…they’ll like you, Sam. It’s only for a few days, and so help me if I have to spend three days at our beach house alone with them I amgoing to _drown_ myself.”

“Loki,” Sam said tightly, and Loki expelled a breath and grimaced.

“Yes, I know, _don’t say things like that,_ Sam, I am serious. I will owe you a sizeable debt. Anything you like. A week without scathing mockery.” Loki’s expression was almost unnervingly pleading. Sam crossed his arms.

“You’d explode.”

“ _Sam._ ”

Bad idea, Sam told himself. Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea. He knew just enough about Loki and Loki’s family to know that agreeing to spend three days with them was probably a recipe for disaster. Or at least a miserable long weekend, and he’d kind of been hoping to have a quiet few days of sleeping and reading.

At the same time, though…staying around here would also mean spending the weekend avoiding Ruby, who was back now and seemed to be everywhere he looked. And Sam had to admit that he was curious about the family Loki nearly always refused to discuss. And there was the fact that Loki would never, _ever_ have asked unless he really needed Sam’s help as much as he said he did.

And the fact that it was progress Sam didn’t want to discourage that Loki was asking him for something he needed directly at all. “You _are_ going to owe me,” he said finally. “Big time.”

Loki’s exhale was pure relief. “Of course,” he said without hesitation. “Just ask. Sam…” he looked awkward, for just a moment. “…thank you.”

Sam gave him a crooked smile. “Hey, don’t get the wrong idea. I’m just going for the swanky beach house.” Loki stuttered one of his abbreviated, uncertain laughs.

“I figured. I’ll inform the family that we have another guest.” He paused, and gave Sam a sidelong look. “Spaghetti for dinner tonight?”

Loki knew that spaghetti was his favorite, and had never hidden his profound disdain for the fact. _How bad is this going to be?_ he had the urge to ask, and stifled it. How bad _could_ it be? Three days with Loki, his mother, his father, his brother, and his brother’s girlfriend.

Nothing Sam couldn’t handle.

* * *

The clusterfuckery began almost immediately. Sam woke up early on the Friday they were to leave and discovered that Loki had not begun packing.

“You haven’t even _started?_ ”

“Don’t shriek at me,” Loki said, sitting on the couch and not looking up from his book – which, okay, that had not been a shriek. “My _beloved_ family will be three hours late anyway, so there is no point in being ready on time.”

“Maybe this time they won’t be,” Sam objected. The look Loki cast him was faintly scathing.

“Be assured, Sam, they will be. And by the time they arrive I shall be entirely packed and ready to depart on our weekend adventure. Don’t fret.” Sam had no idea where Loki had learned his patronizing smiles, but he was _really_ good at them.

“I’m not _fretting._ I just…” Sam threw up his hands. “Fine, fine, but if you forget something you’re not borrowing it from me.”

“If I forgot something,” Loki said mildly, “I wouldn’t _ask_ to borrow it.”

Sam gave up on trying to get Loki to pack and retreated back into his room to recheck his own supplies, and was only quietly satisfied when Loki padded by in the hallway about twenty minutes later, muttering about Sam’s obsessive streak.

(Which – really, Loki couldn’t talk.)

Of course, another five minutes and the door buzzed. Sam poked his head out. “If that’s your parents…”

“It isn’t,” said Loki, voice markedly sour. “That will be Thor and his lady love. If you don’t mind going down and informing them that they can wait elsewhere-”

“Loki,” Sam said reproachfully.

“I don’t want them inside,” came the rather sulky response, after a moment.

“I’ll keep them in the living room,” Sam said, trying not to smile. He probably wasn’t supposed to be amused, but…it was hard when Loki could be so very dramatic. “And keep a very close eye on them both.” He had to admit he was curious. If he’d met Thor – sort of – once or twice, he’d never met Jane, and was less than inclined to take Loki’s evaluation (“she’s…all right, I suppose”) at face value.

“I appreciate that,” Loki said, his voice faintly caustic. The doorbell buzzed again.

“Coming!” Sam yelled, pointlessly, and ducked out to let the pair in, leaving the door slightly ajar so he didn’t have to bring his keys.

Sam’s first impression was that Jane looked absolutely tiny next to Loki’s brother – though that said more about Thor than anything else. Thor was a little shorter than Sam, but probably burlier, and yet somehow always seemed to remind Sam of nothing so much as a slightly overfriendly golden retriever. Jane Foster was petite, brown haired, and looked a little like she was still half asleep. Sam stepped out onto the sidewalk.

“Hey,” he said. “I was just going to-”

“Sam!” Thor pounced and gave Sam what he could only accurately term a “hearty embrace.” “It is good to see you again!”

They’d seen each other, Sam thought, maybe four times. And actually had a meaningful conversation…maybe once. Still, he smiled a little. You couldn’t really help it, with Thor – sometimes Sam figured Loki must really have to work at holding his grudge. As evidenced by the slight fondness that seemed to slip through when he wasn’t quite paying attention.

“Hey,” he said, patting Thor’s shoulder awkwardly. “Yeah, good to see you too. So, um, Loki’s doing some last minute packing…”

Thor perked up at once. “Perhaps I can help! Jane, do you mind introducing yourself?”

“I don’t mind,” Jane said, and hid a yawn ineffectively behind one hand. “—sorry, late night last night-”

“Great,” Thor said exuberantly – and loudly. “I shall go and help, then!”

“Actually,” Sam tried to say, “it’s probably better if-”

“I shall return shortly with my brother,” Thor said, apparently not hearing a word of Sam’s protest, and very nearly barrelled through the front door. Sam sighed, and decided Loki could probably handle himself without too much of a risk of fratricide. Hopefully. He turned back to Jane instead.

“Hey,” he said, with a sheepish smile. “Sorry, it’s been kind of…want to come in? I was going to say you could hang out in the living room until the Asgards get here.”

“It’s fine.” Jane looked ruefully amused. “It’s that kind of morning, I think – I’m not really with it still. Sure, let’s…” she gestured at the front door. “Thor’s probably going to get himself thrown out a window anyway. I’m glad you’re coming, though,” she added, quickly, as though Sam might have been worried about it.

Sam punched in the code for the door and held it for Jane to step through. “Yeah?”

“Mmmhm.” Jane scrubbed a hand through her hair and waited for Sam to step inside to start up the stairs. “Thor seems to think you’re the best thing to happen to Loki in years.”

Sam blinked. “I don’t know that I’d say that.”

“Well, he does,” Jane said, and then added, after a moment. “And – I mean, from what I can tell, he does seem better than he…was.” Sam grimaced a little at that, and Jane shook her head quickly. “I don’t mean – it’s not like he was –”

He shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said. It wasn’t…after all, like he could exactly pretend that Loki was a model of a well adjusted human being. “I get what you mean. Um - how long have you and Thor been dating? If you don’t mind-”

“Hey,” Jane said, “Go ahead, we’re going to be staying in a cabin – a big cabin, but still a cabin – together for the next three nights and we’ve never met. About three years – this fall.” She smiled a little, a tiny thing Sam doubted she was aware of. “And you and Loki, you’re finishing out your second year living together?”

“Yeah,” Sam said. Two years. Busy two years. “Yeah – um. You said you were glad I was coming. Is it…”

“It’s not bad,” Jane said hastily. “It’s really not – Frigga and Odin are fantastic, Odin’s a little intimidating but he gets better, and there’s any number of things to do, it’s just…well. I guess you probably know.” Sam hit the landing of their floor and saw the door swung wide open. “Sometimes there’s just a little…”

“Did I _ask_ for your help?”

Sam saw Jane wince almost in unison with him.

“Uh huh,” Sam said, and rubbed his left eye. “Yeah, I know how it goes.”

“I do _not_ understand why you must act this way, Loki, this need not be some sort of onerous-”

“Need not be if you would not _make_ it so!”

Jane sighed. “We should probably…” she waved a hand at the hallway in a gesture that probably meant ‘break it up.’ Sam was suddenly wondering why he’d ever agreed to this.

“Yeah,” he agreed, only a little reluctantly. “Probably."

“Maybe between you and me,” Jane said, sounding rueful again. “We can help?”

“Don’t touch – _you lumbering oaf,_ did you not _hear_ me say-”

“Yeah,” Sam said, and sighed, rubbing both hands on his jeans. “That’s the idea.”

* * *

Everything was still in one piece when Thor and Loki’s parents arrived, which Sam was counting as a victory. Loki had armored himself in clothes that were overly formal even for him and almost entirely black, and if his expression where he was standing by the kitchen island with his arms crossed was one of perfect neutrality, Sam knew it as the expression that meant nothing good.

Thor had retreated to stand by the couch, looking a little like a scolded puppy, Jane standing with him and casting Sam an apologetic expression. He was almost relieved when the doorbell buzzed, although he caught Loki’s face paling out of the corner of his eye, like he’d just heard his own death knell.

Drama queen.

“Right,” Sam said quickly. “Anyone need help carrying anything?”

“Hardly,” Loki murmured, with at least some trace of himself. “Much as I appreciate your admirable pack mule imitation, I believe I can manage one suitcase by myself.”

“If you say so,” Sam said, deliberately a bit dubiously, and Loki gave him a withering look as he picked up his suitcase. He caught a flicker on Jane’s face like she was trying not to laugh, though.

They trekked down the stairs, Sam steeling himself for his first meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Loki’s Parents.

Stepping out, his first impression was of a woman with a warm and friendly smile. She embraced Thor, then Jane, and then turned to him. “Ah,” she said, smile broadening. “You must be Sam, then – I’m delighted to finally meet you. May I…” she opened her arms. Sam blinked at her a moment before realizing what she was asking.

“Um…sure?” She stepped forward and enfolded him in a hug that Sam accepted awkwardly, even if it was a nice hug. “Thanks for having me along,” Sam murmured when she stepped back.

“Psh,” Loki’s mother – Frigga – said dismissively. “You’re welcome, of course. Loki speaks very well of you, and of course I haven’t forgotten-”

“Mother,” Loki’s voice cut in. Sam glanced over at him and frowned a little at Loki’s acutely twitchy and anxious expression. “If you would please-”

“Ah, Loki,” Frigga said, smile blooming wider, and swooped down on his roommate. Sam watched them both closely, noted he deliberately rigid way Loki held himself as he patted her on the shoulder, his expression curiously strained.

“Sam Winchester?” Sam turned hastily, something in that voice reminding him forcefully of John, and found himself facing Loki’s father.

He didn’t look like John. For one thing, there was the eyepatch. For another, Sam thought he might be more intimidating, based on Sam’s urge to drop his eyes and maybe salute or something. Click his heels and offer a ‘sir.’ _Intimidating,_ Jane’d said. Yeah, right. Understatement.

“Hi,” he said, a little weakly, and then managed to stick out his hand. “Mr. Asgard-”

“Odin will do.”

Yeah, Sam thought, no, that’s not going to happen. “Thanks,” he said. “For, um, letting me come along.”

“Of course,” Loki’s father said, and smiled slightly, which did not render him any less intimidating. “We all hope that our youngest will enjoy himself more with a friend along.” Sam just kept himself from wincing, though he also felt a sudden well of dislike at the condescension – however benign and unintentional it seemed – in that sentence.

“Yeah,” he said, feeling his smile get a little tight. “Hope so. Um…if you want me to pack our bags…”

“I can still manage my own bag,” Loki said, who’d apparently broken away from his mother. His expression was odd, and Sam found that worrying. “And the more swiftly we manage that, the less traffic we will have to deal with.”

“Loki,” said Mr. – Odin. His expression did not seem to warm as he stepped past Sam and toward Loki. Sam watched Loki’s shoulders wind a notch tighter.

“Odin,” he said, voice suddenly nearly toneless. Sam’s instincts were screaming at him that someone was about to get punched in the face, but Loki’s expression was ruthlessly polite, his posture rigid, and if Odin’s smile was small it seemed real.

“It’s good to see you again,” Loki’s father said, almost gently.

“For you, I’m sure.” Loki’s voice was taut, clipped, just managing not to be rude. “Sam – with me?” He walked like a stiff-legged cat around the back of the car, suitcase in one hand, giving his father a generous berth. Sam held in a sigh and followed after him.

“I agreed to be civil,” Loki muttered into the trunk. “He need not expect me to-”

“Hey,” Sam interrupted. “It’s fine. Let’s just…get there. And then we can spend as little time this weekend around them as possible. Okay?”

Loki took a deep breath through his nose and let it out. “Yes,” he said, after a moment, though the smile he summoned was anything but genuine. “Yes, of course.”

Yeah, Sam thought, the sinking feeling was definitely coming back.

* * *

Loki buried his nose in The Brothers Karamazov almost immediately, and did not remove it for the duration of the four hour drive, the extent of his interaction to periodically snipe at the other inhabitants of the car from behind the safety of his book. Mostly at Sam. He seemed to prefer to pretend that Jane and Thor were not in the car, and that he could not hear anything his parents said that was not addressed directly to him.

This mostly just meant that Sam ended up getting the questions.

“So, Sam – you do prefer Sam, yes?” Frigga’s voice floated back from the front seat, clear and curious. “Not Samuel, or…”

“Just Sam,” he said, glancing sideways at Loki, who appeared entirely absorbed.

“Hmm-mm. Where are you from? I’m very curious about you, I’m afraid Loki hardly tells us much.”

Sam shifted a little and glanced out the window, as if something in the passing landscape might help him. “Um. Kansas, originally, I guess. We traveled around a lot as kids.”

“We?”

“Sam has a brother,” Thor broke in, sounding eager to contribute. “Dean.”

“Ah! Older or younger?”

“Older,” Sam said.

“What does he do?” That was Odin, his voice grave and severe. Sam tried not to twitch at being addressed by him.

“He’s a mechanic,” Sam said, glancing at Loki again, who was still unhelpfully silent. He wasn’t used to being the focus of so much avid attention. He felt suddenly defensive, surrounded by this family, and added, “he’s really good with machines, stuff like that. He specializes in reconstructing old cars.”

“Everyone knows Dean’s work is the best in town,” Thor piped up, and Sam felt a surge of charitable feeling toward him. He half expected Loki to add something caustic, but for once he remained quiet. Almost worryingly quiet. Sam glanced at him, but his face was impossible to read.

“And what about your parents?” Frigga again, and Sam felt his shoulders draw up a little.

“It’s basically just us.”

“Oh! I’m sorry for your loss,” Frigga said, sounding genuinely sympathetic, but Sam still wanted to twitch.

“It was a long time ago,” he said, his rote answer, even though it’d only been about six years for John. Still, the last thing he wanted was to get into discussing John right now, with – ‘these people’ felt uncharitable, even in his head, but honest, too.

“Nonetheless…”

“Perhaps,” Loki said, speaking up for the first time, and his voice was notably cool, “Sam does not wish to be interrogated about his life from beginning to end. It occurs to me that one might be sympathetic to his wishes.”

Sam wasn’t sure if he felt more grateful or hideously self-conscious. “It’s fine,” he said, quietly, but Loki didn’t so much as glance at him, his eyes still glued on his book.

“Have I been rude?” Frigga sounded honestly bothered by the notion.

“No,” Sam said quickly, “Not at all, it’s just a little…”

“There’s no need to be sharp with your mother, Loki.”

The atmosphere in the car changed quickly. Thor looked suddenly stressed, and Jane looked pained. Loki looked up, finally, and there was something around the corners of his mouth that made Sam decidedly nervous. “Yes, father,” Loki said, after a long pause. “I’m sure that’s so.” His voice was perfectly even, but Sam could hear the slight edge underneath.

“Odin,” said Frigga quietly. “It’s no trouble.”

“I won’t have him speak to you that way.”

“No,” Loki said, “of course not. It wouldn’t do for me to express an opinion on my friend’s welfare. Not if it might inconvenience the family.”

“Loki…” There was a clear warning in Odin’s voice, and Sam could see Loki’s jaw tighten, all the telltale signs that he was gearing up for a verbal duel. He reached across and tapped Loki’s elbow to get his attention, and when Loki looked sharply in his direction, shook his head a fraction, and mouthed _it’s fine. Let it go._

For a moment, he thought Loki would ignore him. But he took a quiet breath, and nodded, just a fraction, though there was something taut about it. “My apologies, mother,” he said, after a moment’s pause. “I meant no offense.”

“I know. It’s forgotten.” Sam looked forward, and saw Frigga’s hand light on Odin’s arm and then pull away. The same signal passing between them, he guessed, because Odin didn’t press the issue. The tension in the car eased, somewhat.

“When was the last time you went to the coast, Sam?” Thor asked after a few moments, almost too loudly, and Sam exhaled in relief. One storm safely averted.

* * *

Sam had no real frame of reference for what a beach house would look like. If asked, he probably would have assumed something like a cabin, logs and all, with maybe electricity and amenities to make it comfortable. Yeah, he wouldn’t have expected something like this.

Once again, Sam fully appreciated the vast gulf between his and Loki’s backgrounds. It came up sometimes, but he’d never felt it quite so distinctly as he did stepping out of the car and looking at a full scale – ‘manor’ would be an exaggeration, but there were two stories and it definitely wasn’t made out of logs.

“Wow,” he said, in unfeigned awe. Loki slipped up to stand by his left, hands in his pockets and looking slightly uncomfortable.

“It’s a bit…ostentatious, I know,” he said, quietly, and then took a breath. “I’m s-”

Sam thought Loki might have been about to apologize for the scene in the car, but then Jane stepped up on his other side, and he stopped abruptly, expression turning slightly tight. Sam wanted to roll his eyes. “It’s pretty incredible, isn’t it,” she said, with a little smile at Sam.

“No kidding,” Sam said. Jane glanced across him at Loki, and though her smile fell a little, she made a game effort.

“We – Thor and I – were talking about going swimming. Do the two of you want to come?”

Loki turned a gaze on her that was very nearly withering, and Sam interrupted before he could say something unnecessary. “Sure,” he said. “That sounds great, I could use it after the trip.” Now Loki was giving _him_ a powerfully withering look. Sam raised his eyebrows and summoned a smirk he thought was worthy of his roommate. “Right?”

Loki’s mouth twitched, just a little, a faint flicker of amusement appearing and then disappearing from his eyes. “Mmm,” he said, noncommitally, and when Sam just looked at him, added, “I suppose. No doubt if I leave you alone you will get yourself into some kind of trouble.”

“Does he usually?” Jane asked.

“More often than you’d think possible,” Loki said, with a kind of rueful dryness that made Sam cough a laugh and Jane smile, though a moment later Loki seemed to realize that he’d made a joke in Jane’s general direction and closed up again.

“Well,” Jane said, after a brief silence, glancing over her shoulder. “Thor’ll come tell you when we’re ready to go?”

“Sounds good,” Sam said firmly, and watched her troop back toward Thor before turning to Loki. “She seems nice,” he said, perhaps a little pointedly.

“Perhaps you’d like to spend your time with her,” Loki said, with just a touch of sharpness. Sam prodded him sharply in the side.

“Don’t be a moron. It doesn’t have to be an either/or thing, you know. And she’s going out with Thor. She’s not Thor.” Loki’s lips pressed together a little, and then his expression returned to decidedly neutral. “And I think she wants to like you.”

“She is tolerant of me because if she were not Thor would be upset,” Loki said, with surety. Sam wanted to sigh, and held it in.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard this week,” he said, bluntly, and Loki gave him a sharp look. “You make her nervous. Which – I don’t blame her, considering you look at her like she might change into a poisonous snake if you’re not careful.”

Loki’s teeth flashed. “And I do have a reputation for _being a bitch_.” His tone was almost certainly mimicking someone’s. Sam didn’t know whose, though. He crossed his arms.

“Okay,” he said, “I get you’re tense being here, and I get that snapping at your dad isn’t going to get you anywhere so you’re snapping at me cause I won’t bite your head off. But you don’t need to act like I’m going to turn on you first chance I get. I’m here because you asked me to be here to help you deal. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to call you out for giving Jane shit just cause she’s your brother’s girlfriend.”

Loki’s lips pressed together in a thin line again, and for a moment Sam thought he was simply going to turn around and walk away, or else deliver one of those lines of his that could flay flesh from bone. He did neither, though, simply glanced away after a few moments. “I just don’t like her,” he said, stubbornly.

“You might give her a chance,” Sam pointed out. “Or at least…try to avoid saying things to her that make me wince? For my sake. If nothing else.”

Loki gave him a look somewhere between arch and amused. “For your sake? You expect that to be a convincing argument?”

Sam very maturely stuck out his tongue at Loki, a gesture which Loki returned. Sam snickered and a little smile crept onto Loki’s face – but it vanished, suddenly, and he turned toward the house. Sam followed the way he’d been looking and saw Odin watching them both, his expression unreadable.

* * *

Thor tracked them down to go swimming perhaps two hours after they arrived, his swim trunks a lurid shade of red. “Well?” he said, eagerly. “Are you ready?”

“Existentially? I doubt it.” Loki emerged from his room, a towel draped over his arm and wearing a pair of green swim trunks. Sam blinked at them a little.

“I didn’t know you owned anything that casual,” he remarked, and Loki gave him a faintly scathing look. Sam gave him a smile. “The color really brings out your eyes.”

“When you drown mysteriously I will not cry a single tear,” Loki drawled. Thor looked appalled. Sam cut in before he could say anything.

“Aww, you’d miss me.”

Loki made a rude gesture in his direction, but there was a flicker of a smile through his eyes, subtle enough that Sam wondered if Thor saw it. Thor was looking back and forth between them, his frown turned toward confusion. Loki raised his eyebrows.

“So? Were we leaving?”

Thor shook himself a little, and stepped back. Jane poked her head around the door. “I’ve got the sunscreen,”  she said. “We heading out now?”

“After you, brother,” Loki said, with just a touch of acidity, but if Thor noticed it didn’t seem to bother him, simply turning and striding out of the room. Sam hung back a moment to look at Loki, who exhaled quietly, squared his shoulders, and strode out after Thor and Jane.

The walk down to the beach was steep and rocky. Both Thor and Loki clambered easily down, Jane picking her way a little more carefully. Sam felt ungainly and clumsy, but they all made it down eventually, and Sam stepped down onto fine sand with relief. It wasn’t much of a beach – more of a narrow strip of sand at the base of what was more cliff than hill, but looking out at the water – it was calm, still, and stretched out as far as Sam could see. “Wow,” he breathed.

“Uh huh,” Jane agreed, giving him a bit of a smile.

Thor tossed his towel on one of the logs on the narrow beach and plunged toward the water, wading in to pause a few feet out. “What are you waiting for?”

Loki sat down on a rock and stretched his legs out. “Some prefer to take their time, Thor, rather than simply plunge into every experience as though it might disappear.”

“This is fantastic,” Sam broke in, before Loki could say anything nasty. Jane wiggled her toes at the water’s edge.

“Isn’t it?” Thor grinned, broadly, and then glanced over toward Loki. “Did you put on sunscreen, brother? If you’re not careful…”

“I can mind myself, Thor.” Loki closed his eyes and tipped his head back, looking almost like he was basking in the warm afternoon sun except that Sam knew how much Loki liked hot weather. “Don’t fret at me.”

“There’s some in the bag if you,” Jane started to say, and Loki cut her off.

“As I said,” he said, with a sharp note in his voice, but Sam deliberately stumbled and bumped his shoulder. Loki glanced quickly up at him, and then seemed to sigh. “—thank you, but no.” The words sounded bitten off, but it was better than nothing.

“Aren’t you going to go in the water?” Sam asked, moving toward the waters’ edge so the waves just lapped at his toes. Loki shrugged.

“Perhaps.”

“Come now, brother!” Thor’s voice had risen, boisterously loud. “You cannot possibly be intending to simply sit there for hours.”

“I daresay I can intend what I like,” Loki said, his voice a little too light. Thor began to wade back for shore.

“Thor,” Jane said, starting to frown. “Let him do what he likes…”

“He is just being obstinate,” Thor said, with certainty. Loki opened his eyes and sat up.

“Oh, no,” he said warningly. “If you lay a single hand on me, I _swear_ I will sew stinging nettles into every piece of your clothing-”

“Whoa, hold on,” Sam said, and to his surprise, Thor actually paused and looked at him. “Jane’s right.” Thor frowned.

“I was only jesting,” he said.

“As ever, your jests fail to be amusing.” Loki stayed where he was, tense and prepared, but Thor retreated a few steps and he sat down again. Sam gave him a cautious look before he waded out further, the water shockingly cold. Jane rubbed her arms, out a little further.

“Sometimes I think it’d be better to do it all at once,” she said, ruefully.

“Is that so?” Thor, his mood only momentarily dimmed, moved with startling quickness, scooping up Jane and plunging out into deeper water. “Then I shall see it done!” he exclaimed, and despite Jane’s yell of “Thor!” he tossed her into the water. She surfaced sputtering.

“You big dolt!” she said, but she was laughing too. “You’re going to pay for that-”

Sam watched her pounce after Thor, he dancing nimbly out of reach until Jane caught him with a feint and shoved him underwater. Sam couldn’t help but grin a little, watching them.

“Sickening, isn’t it,” Loki drawled from the beach.

“I don’t know.” Sam shrugged with a bit of a smile. “It’s fun. I used to- I used to take Jess to the beach, sometimes, on weekends.”

“Ah,” Loki said, and then made a small sound. “Then I suppose that was tactless of me.”

“Hey,” Sam said, making his voice bright. “I bet you’d be just as gross and adorable with Steve, huh?” Loki gave him a baleful look and did not respond. “So,” Sam added after a moment. “Do you not like swimming or are you just protesting the establishment?”

“Don’t be absurd, Sam. I like swimming just fine.”

“Then?” Sam prompted. “Why the reluctance to get in?” 

“Are you going to badger me too?” He didn’t sound too offended, though, and a moment later Loki rose fluidly from his rock and climbed up a few more to balance on one several feet over the water. “For your information, I _do_ intend to swim. On my own time, and in my own manner.” He rocked forward and brought his arms over his head. Sam jerked forward.

“It’s not deep e-”

Loki plunged into the water in a graceful swan dive, and surfaced a moment later, shaking his long hair back from his face. Thor seemed pleased when Sam looked at him, and unsurprised.

“There’s a steep shelf there where the water is very deep,” Thor said. Sam startled a little, wondering when he’d come back over. “Loki found it – I reacted the same way when he first showed me.”

“Nice form,” Jane called, from where she was still paddling out in the bay. Loki smiled, just fractionally.

“I do try.” He ducked underwater again, vanishing with only a few ripples, and reappeared again out a little further. Sam was startled by the easy way he moved in the water, like he’d been born to it. He waded out up to his hips and found the ledge into deeper water, then stepped off it. “If you’d like to see how you can do…”

“No thanks,” Jane said, holding up both hands. “I think I’ll pass.”  Sam caught a flicker of a smile before Loki vanished underwater again. He turned around, looking for where he would surface, and then hands wrapped around his ankles and yanked.

Sam yelled sharply, not quite inhaling water, and Loki bobbed to the surface, truly smiling. “Careful,” he said, his mouth twitching like he was trying not to grin. “I hear there are sharks around here.” Sam wrinkled his nose in Loki’s direction and splashed water at him, but Loki paddled back out of range with an almost soundless laugh.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you swim,” Sam said with some surprise. Loki cast him a look and stretched out on his back.

“That I choose not to does not mean I cannot.”

“Loki is a very good swimmer,” Thor said, sounding proud. “In high school he was one of the swiftest on our school’s team-”

“For a season and a half, Thor,” Loki said dryly, “if that, and I hardly-”

“His record in the 400 freestyle remains unbroken,” Thor went on loudly. Loki scoffed.

“What Thor fails to mention is that I was removed from the team in disgrace.”

“It was not fair,” Thor objected. “You should not have been-”

“Such is life,” Loki said blithely, and dismissively, too, and flipped over to dive under the water like a seal, making hardly a splash.

* * *

Sam hadn’t sat down for a family dinner – that wasn’t just him and Dean, which didn’t count – in years. He felt distinctly odd doing it now.

He felt even weirder when they joined hands and Odin started to pray. Loki kept his eyes open and his chin up. Jane lowered her eyes but didn’t mouth along. Sam stared awkwardly at his plate even if some part of him wanted to stare at them.

“Amen,” Odin intoned, and Sam mumbled along with the general choral response. He glanced at Loki, and found his mouth twitching like he was trying not to smile. Sam wrinkled his nose at him, only to quickly smooth his expression when Odin glanced his way. He looked quickly down at his plate, piled generously with salmon, broccoli, and an enormous baked potato.

“Everything looks delicious,” he said, honestly. “Thank you.”

Frigga gave him warm smile. “You’re welcome. There’s white chocolate macadamia cookies for dessert, so leave a little room for those.” Loki glanced at her, his expression doing something peculiar, and Frigga added, with a little smile, “Are those still your favorite, Loki?” Sam caught a flicker of a smile, and his eyes flicked down in the faintly abashed, pleased way that he got when people did something for him.

Thor laughed. “Anything with sugar in it is Loki’s favorite! Remember how he got into the molasses-”

Loki tensed. “As I recall, you were right there with me – and it was _you_ who ended up pigging yourself sick,” he said, a little tightly, and Sam tensed, but Thor beamed like that was exactly what he’d wanted to hear. 

“ _After_ you told me that mother had said it was all right,” Thor said, but he was grinning, and there wasn’t even a little bit of tension in his voice.

“Is it my fault you were gullible enough to believe anything?” Loki said, sounding more tense. Sam sat up, half opened his mouth – if apparently not quickly enough.

“You were always getting me into trouble,” Thor said fondly. He turned to Sam. “Once-”

“Yes, by all _means_ let us relive childhood greatest hits,” Loki said, not quite through gritted teeth, but it was damn close to it. Thor seemed to notice, finally, and frowned, his eyebrows furrowing.

“—did I say something wrong?”

Jane looked like she badly wanted to be anywhere else. “Can someone pass the sour cream?” She said, a little hopefully. Odin held it out to her, but his eyes were on his sons and the sudden current of tension vibrating between them.

“No,” Loki said, his voice smoothing to dangerous flatness. “Of course not.”

Thor frowned more. “Why do you _always_ do that?”

“Do what?”

“Act like there’s nothing wrong when it’s _obvious-_ ”

“There is nothing wrong.” Loki took a bite of his salmon. His teeth didn’t quite click on the fork. “I would merely rather not discuss ancient history. You’re too fond of reminiscing.”

“What’s wrong with talking about when we were children?” Thor sounded genuinely puzzled, but faintly frustrated, too. Sam cleared his throat, trying to interrupt.

“So, um, Jane, I’d love to hear about your physics work-”

“You never want to talk about anything else,” Loki said, too lightly, right over Sam, and then smiled delicately. “Oh, but let’s not make a scene. Father has got his face on.” Sam glanced over at Odin, surprised, and he did indeed look like he was a little displeased.

“Loki,” he said, warningly, but this time it was Thor who interrupted.

“What do you mean, I never want to talk about anything else? Of course I do! But _you_ won’t _tell_ me anything, and so is it any surprise that I’d try to at least bring up something good, from when you were _happy?_ ”

Silence fell. Jane looked like she wanted to put her face in her baked potato. Frigga sighed, heavily, and Odin’s expression of displeasure deepened. Sam looked to Loki, and felt his heart sink. His eyes had gone perfectly blank, and a moment later that dazzling smile appeared, awful and false. Sam tried to reach over, subtly, to touch his arm, but Loki twitched him away.

“Of course,” he said, and there was a malevolent purr in his voice. If Loki ever wanted to voice a Disney villain, he’d be _fantastic_ at it. “By all means. Let us talk about when I was _happy._ Or at least, when I bothered to pretend that I was. When I thought that perhaps if I acted enough like what I thought you wanted it might be enough to get you to look past your own nose and _pay attention,_ and then later when I knew that you didn’t _care_ to see anything else.”

“That’s not fair,” Thor said, at the same time that Odin said, “Loki, now is not the time-”

“It’s never the time,” Loki said, his voice sharpening to a knife’s edge. “It wasn’t then, it isn’t now. You _wanted_ to think I was happy, Thor. Let me tell you a _different_ set of stories, when you didn’t bother to ask what your _friends_ were saying behind your back, when you looked right through me every goddamned day and I kept smiling until it _froze-_ ”

“That’s enough,” Odin said, and his voice was flat and unforgiving. “I will _not_ have this kind of behavior at my dinner table.”

“Or in your house,” Loki said, “or anywhere, really, is there a corner of the world that doesn’t belong to Odin the _paterfamilias_ -”

“ _Loki._ ”

Sam winced. Loki’s mouth snapped shut. His jaw clenched. Sam glanced at Thor, but he didn’t look angry, just – upset, frustrated, hurt. Loki, Sam noticed, wasn’t looking at him, but staring at a fixed point somewhere in the middle distance.

“Apologize to your brother,” Odin rumbled. Loki muttered something that Sam didn’t quite catch, and said nothing. Frigga looked tired and on the verge of putting her head in her hands.

“It’s all right,” Thor piped up, sounding a little bit desperate. “Father, you don’t need to-”

“Thor,” Odin said, and Thor fell silent too, looking chastened. “Loki, did you hear me?”

Loki blinked, finally, and Sam watched his eyes shutter closed, his face smoothing to expressionless blankness, revealing nothing. “My apologies, Thor,” he said, perfectly formal. “I spoke out of turn.” Thor shook his head.

“You didn’t, just…” he trailed off, not seeming to know how to finish. Loki turned that almost dead gaze more directly on Thor.

“Is my apology accepted?”

“Loki…” Thor sighed, heavily, and then looked down at his plate. Apparently he knew as well as Sam that there was almost no getting anything out of Loki when he looked like that. “Yes. It is. Thank you.”

Loki nodded, and then returned, almost mechanically, to his food. Thor cleared his throat. Sam glanced at Loki, wondering if he was in over his head. Jane pushed her chair back with a loud noise. “I’ll be right back,” she said, sounding a little like she was going to go do some deep breathing exercises, and headed out of the dining room.

Despite Sam’s attempts to coax Loki into conversation, he was virtually silent the rest of the meal, withdrawn inwards, and he just barely nibbled at a single cookie, leaving the accompanying vanilla ice cream untouched.

* * *

“You’re going to apologize,” Loki said, when Sam opened the door of his room cautiously and hovered in the arch. He was lying on his bed, hands folded on his stomach, staring up at the ceiling. “Don’t bother. There is nothing you could have done.”

“Not quite true,” Sam said. “I could’ve put you in a chokehold. Or thrown you over my shoulder and run.” Loki made a muffled coughing noise that wasn’t quite a laugh.

“You could have _tried._ When I am bound and determined to dig my own grave, Sam, it is very difficult to stop me.”

“You make it hard to be your valiant defender, that’s for sure,” Sam agreed, with a touch of melodramatic melancholy. “And after I spent so many years wanting to be a knight.”

Loki barked a laugh that was only a little too harsh, and he turned his head to look at Sam. “You _would,_ ” he said, with a touch of scathing scorn, and shook his head. “Me? I always made a better dragon.”

“Dragons are great,” Sam said.

“Also a symbol of Satan in most Western cultures.” Loki rolled his shoulders. “Ah, there was a phase I am glad you didn’t know me for.” The corners of his mouth tugged, and Sam half grinned.

“Hey, we’ve all got those. Some of us more than one.”

“I am still hoping that your abominable fondness for plaid is one,” Loki said, and Sam relaxed, a little. It was okay, then. He padded into the room and flopped onto the bed.

“Was your dad always like he…well, is?” Sam asked. Loki half opened his mouth, closed it, and then appeared to think, genuinely.

“I don’t know,” he said, finally. “Maybe. Perhaps I was simply slower to see it as a child because I idolized him so much.”

Sam made a face. “I get that.” He shifted, a little. “Why does it bug you so much when Thor talks about you as a kid? I mean – not saying you’re wrong. I’m just trying to understand.”

Loki was quiet for a while, and then finally rolled up to a sitting position. “He insists on seeing me as I was, or as he thinks I was,” Loki said, finally, and if his voice was slightly clipped Sam didn’t think it was directed at him. “He wants only to see his little brother tagging at his heels, there to clean up his messes and take the blame for his mistakes. He doesn’t understand that I _changed._ He said that once – _you’re not my brother,_ something like that.” Sam wondered if Loki was aware of the slight quaver in his voice, and thought probably not. “He’s frozen me in a glass and doesn’t want to believe that I can be – a complete human being outside of what he wants.”

Sam hesitated, for a long time, and finally said, carefully, “I don’t think that’s what he’s doing.”

Loki stiffened. “Oh?” he said, and there was all kinds of danger there, but…Sam took a deep breath.

“I think…I think Thor doesn’t know how to reach you anymore, and he’s trying to figure out how he can connect with you again.” Loki made a sound not quite a snarl.

“Regardless of whether _I_ want to.”

“I’m not saying he’s right,” Sam said, quickly. “I’m just…I mean, what are relationships made of but shared memories? And sometimes retelling those memories can make you feel closer to someone. I mean – Dean and I, we have those. And when we fight, sometimes one of the things we do to – you know, feel better about it, is to do…little things, little stuff that reminds us of things that happened once, in jokes or…” Sam trailed off, and shrugged, feeling suddenly awkward. “I don’t know. And I’m not – I’m _not –_ saying he’s right, or that you have to accept it, or anything. It’s just an alternate explanation.”

Loki was quiet. His face was angled away from Sam’s so he couldn’t quite see his expression. “I’m not who I was, then,” Loki said, again, but there was a strange strain to it, this time.

“I know,” Sam said, and let out a sigh. “Maybe just…something to think about.”

* * *

Sam woke up early.

He could hear Thor snoring quietly in the next room, and Loki wouldn’t be awake either, so after a few minutes of lying quietly in bed, he wandered downstairs with his book and sat down at the coffee table to read.

He’d been there for maybe twenty minutes when a quiet cough alerted him to another presence, and he looked up quickly to see Frigga standing there, holding a mug in one hand and wearing a fuzzy bathrobe. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be awake,” she said with a bit of a smile.

“I tend to be up pretty early,” Sam said, starting to get up. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No, stay,” she said. “I was merely surprised.” Frigga’s hands curved around her cup as she sat down across the coffee table. “I’m the early riser in the family,” she said, with an easy and warm smile. “So it’s just me, so far. Please, sit. Would you like any coffee?”

“Yeah,” Sam said awkwardly, after a moment. “That’d be…great.”

“Of course.” She smiled warmly, and stood, bringing the coffeepot and another cup over, filling it near to the brim. “It’s not decaf.”

“Good,” Sam said, before he thought about it, and then flushed. “I mean-”

She laughed, though, good-naturedly, and gave him an easy smile that made him relax, and then made him tense because he had relaxed, and what about this woman put him so on edge? “It’s fine, Sam,” she assured him. “I’m not going to bite.”

Sam cracked a smile. “You sure?”

“Very.” She sat back down again, and sipped her coffee. “I hope you’ve had a good experience here thus far.”

“It’s been – nice,” Sam said, perhaps a little diplomatically. Frigga smiled, but it looked a little sad.

“I know we are not the most…peaceable of families. But I’m glad you are here.” She set her coffee cup down. “Not only for Loki. It’s very good to get a chance to speak with you.” Sam ducked his head.

“Thanks,” he said, awkwardly. Frigga inclined her head.

“You are welcome.” She considered him, for a long moment. “I don’t think I can ever thank you enough for…”

Sam felt his face heat up. “It’s – I mean.” He felt his shoulders hunch. “I just…you don’t need to thank me.”

“I do.” Frigga’s voice was grave. “I am well aware that if not for your quick thinking, Loki might have-” Her hands tightened on her coffee cup. “—at any rate. I am grateful.”

“Yeah,” Sam mumbled to his feet. “I, um. Thanks.”

The silence stretched out between them, suddenly awkward, and Sam busied himself with his coffee. Frigga broke it, eventually. “I feel it was very tactless of me,” Frigga said, setting down her coffee cup. “Prying about your family like that.”

“It’s fine,” Sam said, shifting slightly. “Me and – me and Dean are pretty close. So I mean, I don’t…I _notice,_ but it’s not like I’m alone. And I never really knew my mom, so…”

“She passed when you were very young?”

“Six months,” Sam said, and looked down at his hands for a moment. “So – yeah. Not a whole lot there.”

Frigga gave him a long, thoughtful look, and then took a sip of her coffee. “You know if you need anything, Sam, you are free to ask me. I hope that you would, in fact.” Sam felt his face warm up.

“Thanks,” he said, “but I’m just – a guest, and I wouldn’t want to impose on…”

“I do not just mean here.” Sam looked up, startled, and the expression on Frigga’s face surprised him. “You are welcome, at any time, to call me – and you would be welcome, as well as your brother, at our house, if you ever wished.” Her gaze was serious, and Sam stammered to reply.

“Um – thanks, but I really don’t think I can-”

“You are a good boy, Sam. I would not offer lightly.” Frigga’s eyes almost seemed to bore into him. “Please. Do me the honor of accepting it, at least in word.”

What could Sam say to _that?_ “Okay,” he said, a little helplessly. “I – I accept, I guess?”

Frigga’s smile bloomed, warm and sincere, and Sam felt a curious little squirm in his stomach. “Thank you, Sam,” she said graciously, and took a sip of her coffee. Sam wondered if he’d just been manipulated, and thought it was possible, but that he couldn’t really _mind_ given the results. 

“You’re welcome,” he said, after a moment, not sure what he was accepting thanks for, and she just smiled. Sam retreated into his book, feeling decidedly confused.

* * *

If Sam had ever wondered what you did at a beach house, the answer seemed to be _not much._ Not that he was complaining, not at all, but it was just a little…weird, not even having to make his own meals, unless he wanted cereal in the morning.  (Thor, Sam discovered, made awesome eggs, but couldn’t make a pancake to save his life.)

After the rough start, things cooled down, mostly. Of course, it wasn’t dinner without at least a few tense moments, but overall – Sam suspected that Frigga had had a talk with Odin, and maybe with Loki as well, based on the look she directed at one or the other when things started to edge toward conflict.

Sweet as Frigga was, Sam didn’t think he ever wanted that level gaze on him.

Jane and Thor were mostly pretty scarce, which Sam was sorry about but could understand just fine. He and Loki played cards, and with a little encouragement Sam dragged Loki down to the beach, partly because he had forgotten how much he liked swimming and partly because for all his protests it did seem to put Loki in a better mood. 

Of course, this being Sam’s life, relative peace wasn’t going to last.

* * *

Sam stepped out for five minutes before dinner to take a shower, and by the time he got back he could already see the impending disaster looming on the horizon. Loki was standing by the dinner table across from Odin, his posture tense and guarded.

“Sam!” said Frigga, and Loki wheeled around. “Can you and Loki set the table?”

“Of course,” Sam said. “But I don’t know where…”

“I’ll show you,” Loki said, almost too quickly, pacing away from Odin without so much as a glance. “Silverware, see, here – I’ll manage that if you lay out napkins and glasses-”

“We’re not finished with this conversation,” Odin said, quietly, and Sam saw Loki’s shoulders lock up, but he didn’t acknowledge the words otherwise.

“Dear,” said Frigga, her voice ever so slightly barbed, and he turned and went out the door to the grill. Sam glanced sideways at Loki and tried to catch his eye, but Loki was avoiding looking at him. Another bad sign.

 _Damage control,_ he thought. _Right. Just keep things cool during dinner._

Easier said than done.

He took the opportunity while they set the table to ask, “you okay?”

“Fine,” Loki said curtly. “After dinner – I don’t think I want to stay in the house. There’s a forest that’s good for hiking perhaps a mile from here, if you like…”

“Sure,” Sam said, quickly, and then added. “Look, if there’s any way I can help keep things calm…”

But then the door opened and Odin was back, and Loki closed up like a clam, not so much as glancing in his direction. Sam held in the urge to sigh. At some point he was going to have to dig the full story of…everything out of Loki, rather than the bits and pieces he had now, but he didn’t think now was the time.

They sat down and said grace. Once again, Loki stared straight ahead, mouth stubbornly shut, and if Odin’s face betrayed a flicker of annoyance he didn’t say anything about it. Loki held himself tensely upright and ate a little like an automaton, silent, his movements lacking in their usual grace.

“This is delicious,” Sam said, to break the silence. Frigga gave him a smile.

“Thank you. It’s an old family recipe. Do you cook, Sam?”

“Abominably,” Loki said, the first words he’d spoken since sitting down. The corner of his mouth twitched slightly. “If he ever offers you food he made himself, don’t take it. It always seems to be either burnt or underdone.”

Sam grimaced. “I’m not _that_ bad.”

“You are pretty terrible.”

Sam made a flicking gesture at Loki, and was gratified to see him smile, if only in his eyes. Frigga looked amused. Odin set down his knife, though.

“So, Sam,” he said, and Sam had a sudden feeling of impending doom. “What are your plans for after your graduation?”

Sam stumbled a little, hitching on that question. “Um-” He glanced at Loki, and found his expression carefully neutral. “—I don’t really know. Get a job, probably. I’ve thought about teaching, if I could get a certificate for it. I’m thinking – I’d like to do law school, maybe, some point in the future.”

“Is that so? Very practical of you.” He turned to look at Loki. “Have you considered law as a profession?”

“Sam and I have discussed a number of times my disgust with the rampant corruption present in much of the existing state of law and order. He seems to think he can correct injustice from within the system; I am less inclined to believe so.” Loki’s voice was level, but the way he’d begun to pick at his food bespoke nervousness.

“I don’t know, though,” Sam said quickly. “I mean – first things first, I’m going to have to pay off my student loans, figure out where I’m going to live…”

“If you are ever looking for a job,” Odin said, “give me a call, I’m sure I can arrange…”

“I don’t think Sam is interested in becoming another cog in the corporate machine, father,” Loki said. Sam winced, and wished he was close enough to reach over to Loki without being obvious.

“Why not let _Sam_ say what he wants?” Odin’s voice was still calm in contrast to the growing agitation in Loki’s voice, and what had they been talking about before dinner? “He seems like a responsible young man-”

“Um,” Sam said, “I don’t know if…”

“As I am not?” Loki’s voice didn’t quite quiver, but it was definitely tight. Oh _great._

“I never said you were irresponsible. I merely ask you to think about what would be best for this family-”

“I’m not going to give some _damn_ tabloid reporter a _fucking_ interview telling lies to make you look better!”

Silence. Frigga exhaled quietly, and gave Odin a look Sam thought was faintly scathing. “It’s not a tabloid, Loki,” she said. “And there’s no reason to be vulgar. If you don’t want to-”

“After the events of last year,” Odin said, “the least you can do is make reparations for the scandal you caused-”

“ _I_ caused!” Loki laughed, a little wildly. “Oh, _that’s_ rich, seeing as I was hardly an infant when you-”

“That’s enough,” said Frigga, and her voice was decidedly cool now. Sam was wondering how he was supposed to get a word in edgewise. He was also starting to put things together and really not liking the picture that he was seeing.

“As I _told_ you,” Odin said, ignoring Frigga, “there was not even a trial, the charges were dropped-”

“What,” Loki said, voice brutally mocking, “did you pay off the lawyer, too?” Sam practically felt the pressure drop.

“You would _dare_ to speak to me like – I pay for your schooling, Loki, you have a house over your head and food to eat because of myself and your mother, that you would treat us like this is the most appalling ungratefulness, and that you would refuse to do one _small_ thing in return-”

“You just want reporters to stop asking about your fucked up son,” Loki said, and that smile was awful and Sam never wanted to see it again.

“Loki,” Sam said, at the same time as Frigga said, “Odin,” but neither of them were listening.

“I just want this family to go back to _normal!_ ” Odin said, his voice rising sharply. “And until you give up on this melodramatic, self-centered idea that _you_ are the victim here-”

Loki was shaking visibly as he jerked to his feet, chair almost tipping over. “Of course. You wouldn’t want any disturbance, any smear on the family name, do you ever think of anything but your own self-interest-”

“Do not accuse me of not caring for this family.” Odin’s voice boomed, but Loki sneered, eyes wild and utterly unintimidated.

“I will accuse you of what I like.”

“When you cease to put your selfish, childish whims ahead of the needs of this family, then, perhaps,” Odin began, his face darkening. Loki took a step forward, rigid and defiant, and laughed, sharply. It was like watching a runaway train, Sam thought helplessly. Trying to stop it now was pointless, and he didn’t even know how to start.

“My ‘selfish, childish whims’? What _ever_ do you mean by that?”

“Would both of you,” Frigga began, sounding almost sharp.

“Are you going to tell me not to make a scene, my _dear_ mother?” Loki’s voice was brutally mocking.

“Do not speak to your mother that way,” Odin rumbled. “This is _exactly_ the sort of behavior that I’m talking about, this kind of theatrics-”

“Selfish theatrics,” Loki said, his body trembling with tension. “Why don’t you say what you mean, _oh father,_ you have before. I’ve not forgotten-” His face was as white as Odin’s was dark, and equally full of anger. “How was it you put it again?”

“You need to calm down,” Odin said lowly. Loki laughed again, high and wild and dangerous, and Sam felt chills down his spine and took a half step in his direction.

“Loki…”

“Stay out of this, Sam,” Loki snapped, and then, “Or what? Worried I’m going to slit my wrists in your nice, clean bathrub?” Sam jerked, his stomach lurching. “Just to spite you, of course. Just to-”

“Silence,” Odin said harshly. “You do not understand what your actions did to this family, you have no notion of the pain you caused us, caused your mother, with your choices and your rash, thoughtless-”

“Just say it,” Loki said. “With my _attempted suicide,_ or is that too _ugly_ for you to even say?”

 _“Loki,_ ” Frigga said, and Loki’s head snapped around. They locked eyes, and something buzzed between them. Sam held his breath.

“May I be excused,” Loki said finally, voice tight.

“You may,” Frigga said, calm and polite. Loki pushed back from the table and stood stiffly, picking up his plate. His mouth was a flat line.

“Thank you for dinner,” Loki said, with perfect courtesy. “It was delicious.” He set his plate by the sink, turned, and stalked out. Silence fell. Sam cleared his throat awkwardly into it.

“Um,” he started, and stopped. “Can I…”

Frigga sighed, and her shoulders fell slightly. Odin reached out and laid a hand over hers. “Go on, Sam,” she said. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Sam said awkwardly. He didn’t look in Odin’s direction as he stood. “I’ll just…”

He left without finishing the sentence.

* * *

Sam found Loki down on the beach, sitting on one of the big pieces of driftwood with his back ramrod straight and his eyes forward. Sam couldn’t make out his expression in the growing dark, and simply went down and sat next to him, letting him be quiet for a long time.

Loki’s sleeves were rolled up, and Sam could just see the faint white line of one of his scars on the underside of his arms. As always, even that little glimpse made his stomach do a funny little roll, remembering.

“My apologies,” Loki said, finally. His voice was stiff, and if there was a slight quaver to it Sam was not going to mention it. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Sam scrubbed a hand through his hair. “It’s fine.”

“It is not.” Loki’s voice brooked no questions. “I did not invite you here to watch me throw childish fits or to force you to tolerate my family arguments. I ought not to have-”

“I decided to come, Loki. You don’t need to decide that wasn’t my choice to make.” Sam looked out at the waves lapping gently against the rocks of the beach. “Mostly I was just worried that if I did what I really wanted to back there I’d never get to come back.”

Silence, for a moment. “What you really wanted to?”

“God,” Sam said, with vehement sincerity, “I have never wanted to punch someone in the face as much as I did your dad back there.”

Loki laughed, the odd, stuttering sound that meant he wasn’t quite sure whether it was permitted or not. “Why, Sam. Such violence.” Sam shrugged.

“It was like listening to John all over again. At his worst. When I thought sometimes that he didn’t really love either of us, he just wanted good little soldiers to follow his commands.” Sam shifted a little to sit closer to Loki, but Loki didn’t lean into him, still holding himself perfectly straight. “I’m sorry,” he said, sincerely.

“Yes, because it is certainly your fault that my family is a fucked up mess,” Loki said, the words almost violent on his tongue.

“No,” Sam said, “it’s not, but I can sympathize.”

Loki’s shoulders eased down a little. Sam waited, letting the silence stretch, other than the soft sounds of the water.

“Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” he asked, finally. Loki stiffened, very slightly.

“Why? Are you curious?”

“Of course I’m curious,” Sam said. “But that doesn’t mean you have to tell me. I was just wondering. You never talk about it, and it seems like…I don’t know. I get the feeling that with your family you’re not really supposed to. But if you ever wanted to…”

“I thought you weren’t my therapist,” Loki said, a little bit too dryly. Sam had thought he’d forgotten that conversation. Of course he hadn’t.

“I’m not. But that doesn’t mean you can’t…tell me things. If you wanted to. And it’s just…” He trailed off, but full disclosure seemed like a good idea. “I worry, sometimes. Like because I don’t know what happened, I can’t…”

“Stop it from happening again?” Loki glanced at him sidelong. “You cannot. You are not my keeper, Sam. I know that, no matter how poorly I show that I do. I would not expect you to watch over me.”

“But I am your friend,” Sam insisted. “And I can look after you. You’d do – you _do_ do – the same thing for me.” Loki’s gaze turned away again, back to straightforward.

After another long silence, he said, “Maybe someday. Not now.” His voice was strange, quiet. “Everything is still…I do not have the words. Trying makes it all too close. I would sooner…not.” He shifted slightly. “Frigga…mother tells me to forgive him,” he added, after a moment. “I will not. He has no right to expect that I will.”

“Okay,” Sam said simply, and Loki gave him a look that was suddenly sharp.

“You don’t find that – selfish? Ungenerous?”

Sam shrugged. “No.” He took a deep breath. “They’re your family. That doesn’t necessarily mean they can do whatever they want and you have to take it.”

“Doesn’t it?” There was a sardonic note to Loki’s voice, but Sam could hear the sincerity underneath. Loki glanced away, though Sam could see him looking at him sidelong, through his eyelashes.

“No,” Sam said. “It doesn’t.” Loki’s eyes half closed and he sighed quietly.

“I am glad you are here,” he said, suddenly, in a rush. The words were almost strangled, spoken quickly like if he said them more slowly they might not escape. “If you were not…” Loki trailed off, apparently unwilling to finish that thought. “You have a good heart, Sam. It disappoints me how few seem to see it.” His mouth twitched up at the corner. “Then again, I suppose it’s to my benefit that more do not.”

Sam glanced at him, faintly surprised, and could see the tension in Loki’s body. Half expecting – Sam didn’t know what he was expecting. Rejection, maybe, or what he always seemed to think, that Sam would wake up and suddenly look at Loki and decide he wasn’t worth it anymore.

He thought that was part of why Loki was so deliberately abrasive to everyone, sometimes.

“Hey,” Sam said, almost gently. “I told you. I’m just here for the swanky beach house.”

Loki relaxed, and laughed, a quiet huff of amusement. He leaned in, very briefly, his shoulder butting against Sam’s.

Sam just smiled.


End file.
